A World of Opposites

Time in Guate: 3 months, 1 week
Weather: Sunny, warm, breezy (someone say hi to the Utah snow for me!)


I have been working at the Project for 6 weeks now. I have been writing notes almost every day either at lunch or after the day is over. I am completely overwhelmed by the things I am exposed to and learning each day. I feel like the kids I work with teach me much more about life and myself than I teach them about, well, anything. 


Two weeks ago we began summer camp, and I planned some activities for the classes. We divided into two teams and planned to have a competition through the weeks with activities. The first day was a disaster. We played 3 games, one involved physical involvement, one was just talking as a group, and one involved drawing & writing individually. My initial thought, written down that afternoon, was, that the whole thing was an enormous failure in both classes. Blatant cheating, poor sportsmanship, disrespect. However, now after having time to think about it I see that there were small successes and opportunities to learn and grow.


 Some kids who never talk to anyone, told the whole class 3 things about themselves during "Two truths & a Lie." That must have been difficult and unnerving for them. But they were courageous and did it.  Also, when things fell apart in the afternoon so bad that half the students refused to participate at all and my teacher gave them a stern lecture I watched some of them really shine. As one of the older boys left after the disastrous day he said angrily, "I'm not coming anymore" to which I responded with a plea that I needed his help, his example, to make things better. I had no idea how much that would mean to him. He came to me two days later (the following day was a holiday) and say "I've been thinking for 2 days about what you said and about what happened on Tuesday. I would like to help you. I know I contributed to the problem but I think that we just need to talk about some things as a group and we can make it work" I watched him voluntarily lead a group discussion with the class about how they need to work together and be more respectful of each other, me & the teacher." I was so impressed (and equally frustrated that I couldn't express to him how impressed I really was!)  Another student upon returning to the Project that day said to me (in English!) "I'm sorry. I want help you." Yet another gave me a hug when he arrived and spent the day close by me constantly asking if I was happy or if I needed help with anything. 


Learning how to deal with life when its messy and painful is so important. It's full of disappointment and frustration. Things don't always go as planned.  They are teaching me how to be patient, how to be forgiving, how to recognize that people are not perfect, and you love them anyway. They certainly have accepted me with my lousy Spanish and lack of cultural understanding. I experience such an intense array of emotions working there: frustration, sadness, disappointment, joy, pride, happiness, love, compassion and everything in between.


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Last Friday we had a monthly parent meeting in lieu of the kids coming to the Project. I really enjoy being able to meet the parents of my kids. It can be very eye-opening. Additionally, I like parent meeting days because they give me time to talk with my teacher, Lily. On regular days we rarely have time to chat. As we were waiting for the parents to finish meeting with the social workers, she said to me "Anna, the kids really love you. They are always asking where you are when you're not around. They tell me they like your jacket or your shoes, always saying nice things. The other day Marvin asked me if you were going to still be with us next year. They really love you. That doesn't happen very often. I haven't seen them become so attached to a volunteer like this in a long time."  Wow. What do you say to that? How humbled I feel to have the respect and love of these kids. I certainly return their sentiments. 


Then as the mother of two of my older boys joined us, Lily introduced me and the woman's eyes lit up. A gold-toothed big smile spread across her face as she quickly stood to give me the first of several hugs. She proceeded to tell Lily and I that the boys have been attending the Project much more frequently than they had previously and when they come home they are always talking about Anna. "Who is Anna? I would think to myself. Is she a new teacher? A new student? Whoever she is, they certainly enjoy being around her, and seem to be doing lots of fun, interesting things with her." She continued in this way for a few minutes expressing her appreciation, occasionally getting up to give me another hug. How happy I am to be positively contributing to the lives of her boys, especially in a way that pleases her. 


It's hard for me to reconcile my life with my volunteer experience. I went to a party last weekend with many affluent people who drive expensive cars, wear expensive clothes, and eat expensive food. How do I not feel guilty about what I have? Especially when I genuinely would like to give it all to my kids. I brought some homemade strawberry jam to the Project for a cooking class last week (we were making a cake & it was going to be an optional topping). Twelve teenagers were crowded around me asking for a spoonful in their hand. They LOVED it. "It's just jam," I thought. But to them, it was creme brulee, caviar, lobster.  Something about it, about them, seems so pure, so untainted. I much prefer being with my kids than at a rooftop poolside party. I love that community. So humble. So simple. So pure.


Read my Dia de los Muertos post for more about the traditional way of life in Guate.